Rethinking Leadership & Belonging: Why Unlearning Is the Key to Growth
From the moment we enter the world, we are taught to fit in. We learn that belonging is something we earn—by adjusting, shrinking, or proving ourselves worthy.
Leadership? That’s reserved for those who fit the mold. The loudest voice in the room. The one in control. The person who "knows best."
But what if real belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are? What if true leadership isn’t about power, but about making space for others? Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
In Episode 151 of The Empowered & Embodied Show, we sit down with Shoshana Allice, a neuro-inclusive leadership coach and consultant, to explore what it means to unlearn outdated systems, soften the armor we carry, and rethink leadership from the inside out.
Belonging Is Not About Fitting In
💡 If you have to change yourself to belong, you don’t actually belong—you’re just fitting in.
Many of us have spent a lifetime hustling for acceptance. We contort ourselves to match expectations, thinking that if we just do enough, achieve enough, or look the part, we’ll finally feel like we belong.
But belonging isn’t transactional. It’s not something we earn. It’s something we step into when we stop proving and start being.
💡 Ask Yourself:
✔️ Where in my life am I trying to fit in rather than belong?
✔️ What would happen if I showed up fully as myself?
Decolonizing Leadership: Who Gets to Lead?
💡 Leadership isn’t about control—it’s about collective liberation.
We live in a world where leadership has long been defined by power, hierarchy, and exclusion. Most leadership models were built by and for a select few—leaving little room for different voices, perspectives, or experiences.
As Shoshana Allice points out, part of decolonizing leadership means asking better questions:
✔️ Who is given the opportunity to lead—and why?
✔️ How do we unconsciously uphold systems that don’t serve everyone?
✔️ What if leadership wasn’t about individual success, but about lifting others up?
💡 The most radical thing we can do is rethink who gets to lead—and why.
“Be willing to unlearn what you think you know.”
Softening the Armor We Carry
💡 Armor protects us, but it also keeps us disconnected.
We all carry armor—layers of self-protection we’ve built over time to survive in a world that doesn’t always feel safe.
✔️ We filter our words to avoid conflict.
✔️ We hustle for approval so we won’t feel unworthy.
✔️ We keep our guard up because vulnerability feels too risky.
At one point, our armor served us. But over time, it becomes heavy, isolating, and exhausting.
💡 What would happen if you allowed yourself to soften—just a little?
Curiosity & Humility: The Keys to Unlearning
💡 If we want to grow, we have to be willing to unlearn what no longer serves us.
The hardest work isn’t learning something new—it’s questioning what we already believe. And that takes:
✔️ Curiosity – The willingness to challenge our own thinking.
✔️ Humility – The ability to be wrong and grow from it.
As Shoshana Allice reminds us, the most powerful question we can ask ourselves is:
👉 "Do I actually believe my beliefs?"
When was the last time you challenged what you thought you knew?
Rest Is Resistance ( And It’s Necessary
for Liberation)
💡 Rest is not a luxury—it’s a radical act of reclaiming our humanity.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to our productivity. That rest must be earned.
🚨 That is a lie.
As Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry teaches, rest is resistance. Rest is not laziness. It is a reclaiming of time, space, and self-worth.
💡 What if you allowed yourself to rest—not because you’ve "earned" it, but because you deserve it?
Key Takeaways
✨ Belonging doesn’t require you to change—it requires you to show up fully.
✨ Leadership isn’t about power—it’s about making space for others.
✨ Armor has protected you—but softening it allows for deeper connection.
✨ Rest isn’t a reward—it’s a birthright.
We spend so much of our lives absorbing beliefs, expectations, and systems without question. We learn how to navigate them, how to succeed within them, and how to protect ourselves from their consequences.
But at some point, we have to ask ourselves:
✨ Are these beliefs truly mine?
✨ Is this version of leadership one I want to uphold?
✨ Am I carrying armor I no longer need?
Unlearning is uncomfortable. It requires us to sit with uncertainty, to hold space for nuance, and to stretch into perspectives that challenge our own. But in that discomfort, there is also freedom.
Because once we let go of what isn’t ours, we make room for what is.
Key Moments
00:00 – Welcome, guest introduction & celebrations
07:28 – The power of asking questions
11:33 – Struggles and self-judgment
14:34 – Decolonizing leadership
19:59 – The importance of land acknowledgments
23:28 – Unlearning leadership assumptions
29:58 – The weight of systemic armor
34:36 – Privilege, belonging, and identity
41:22 – The illusion of fitting in
46:50 – Learning from younger generations
52:02 – Final reflections and takeaways
Connect with Shoshana:
Website: www.decolonizingleadership.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shoshanaallice/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WorkshopsThatDontSuck/
Resources Mentioned:
📖 Rest as Resistance by Tricia Hersey
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