Redefining Success: The Power of Choosing Confidence Over Conditioning
In this powerful episode of The Empowered & Embodied Show, hosts Kim Romain and Louise Neil dive into the journey of confidence, competence, and authenticity with feminist business coach Becky Mollenkamp. Together, they unpack Becky’s personal story of transformation, explore the nuances between competence and confidence, and shed light on how societal expectations impact our sense of self-worth. This episode is a powerful exploration of self-awareness and empowerment, reminding listeners that true confidence is built through intentional action and self-trust. Listen in to gain valuable insights on breaking free from “proving energy,” making aligned choices, and creating a life of purpose.
Understanding “Proving Energy” and the Journey to Authentic Confidence
In this episode, Kim, Louise, and Becky dive deep into the concept of “proving energy,” a pressure many feel to continually validate their worth to others. This energy often blocks people, especially women, from building genuine self-confidence and feeling fulfilled.
Key Points:
Defining “Proving Energy”: Kim explains how this need to prove ourselves comes from external conditioning and how it can hinder true self-confidence.
The Competence-Confidence Distinction: Becky unpacks the differences between these two concepts. Competence is often validated by external achievements, while confidence is cultivated within. Understanding this difference can transform our approach to challenges.
Shifting from External Validation to Self-Acceptance: By letting go of proving energy, we open ourselves up to choices aligned with our values, building confidence in a way that’s both sustainable and authentic.
Taking Action to Build Confidence, Even When Scared
A major theme of this episode is the idea that confidence doesn’t magically appear—it’s built through action, often before we feel ready. Becky encourages listeners to take small steps, honoring both their strengths and fears.
Key Points:
“Act Your Way Into Believing”: Becky discusses the importance of doing the scary thing first, allowing confidence to grow through experience.
Recognize the Safety Factor: For those with marginalized identities, safety plays a crucial role. Becky emphasizes small steps to honor personal safety while pushing past fear.
Practical Strategies: The episode offers strategies like preparing ahead of a big task, getting a good night’s sleep, and enlisting support to feel more resourced and capable.
Recognizing the Role of Societal Conditioning and Personal Growth
The conversation highlights how societal conditioning impacts self-worth and how questioning these systems can lead to greater self-understanding and growth.
Key Points:
Understanding Societal Expectations: Kim, Becky and Louise encourage listeners to question societal norms and ask if certain “shoulds” align with their true values.
Building Resilience Against Societal Pressures: Recognizing external pressures helps shift from an autopilot existence to a life of intentional choice.
The “What Would a Mediocre Man Do?” Test: This humorous yet powerful tool encourages women to consider choices they might hold back from because of conditioning, reminding them of their own competence.
Moving Beyond “Fine” to Fulfillment
As they wrap up, Kim, Louise, and Becky discuss the importance of moving past a life that is “fine” to one that is fulfilling. True confidence comes from honoring both our strengths and limitations, making choices that align with our authentic selves.
“When you have both competence and confidence, you’re unstoppable.”
Key Takeaways
Competence vs. Confidence: Becky emphasizes the difference between competence, which is validated by external achievements, and confidence, which is cultivated from within. To thrive, we need both.
Proving Energy: The pressure to constantly “prove” oneself, especially in the workplace, can drain confidence. Learning to value internal validation over external expectations is key to genuine self-assurance.
Taking Action While Afraid: Confidence doesn’t precede action—it’s a result of it. Moving forward despite fear creates resilience and reinforces self-belief.
Aligning with Authentic Goals: Success isn’t one-size-fits-all. For some, stepping away from a high-revenue path in favor of fulfillment may be the most empowered choice.
Understanding Systemic Influence: Recognizing societal and systemic pressures helps us differentiate between genuine desires and external conditioning, allowing for more aligned and authentic decisions.
Key Moments
[0:00] Introduction and Celebrations
[3:55] Welcoming Becky and an Overview of Her Work
[5:03] Becky's Journey: From Journalist to Feminist Coach
[10:26] Recognizing "Proving Energy" and How It Holds Us Back
[15:17] Defining Competence vs. Confidence
[26:55] Practical Tips for Moving Forward Despite Fear
[38:38] Choosing Growth Aligned with Personal Values
[44:17] Final Reflections and Takeaways
Connect with Becky Mollenkamp
Website: BeckyMollenkamp.com
Instagram: @beckymollenkamp
Substack: Feminist Founders
Podcast: Feminist Founders Podcast
Are you ready to reclaim your power and live (and work) with more ease? Discover your unique blueprint to do just that with Kim's Strengthscape Self-Mastery Profile.
Looking for something different and feeling lost about where to start? Rediscover your purpose and how to craft a career that makes sense. Check out Louise's Midlife Career Mastery program.
