Confidence is Built, Not Born
What if confidence wasn’t something you had but something you built—one choice at a time? In Episode 145 of The Empowered & Embodied Show, hosts Kim Romain and Louise Neil welcome Dennise M. Kowalczyk, a multi-passionate creative and business consultant, for a deeply insightful conversation about stepping into confidence, embracing discomfort, and rewriting the narratives we’ve absorbed about aging, success, and self-worth.
Together, they unpack the power of intentionality, the myth of certainty, and how releasing “proving energy” can free us to make more aligned choices.
Releasing Expectations & Embracing Possibility
For many of us, the fear of disappointment holds us back. We temper our excitement, avoid taking big risks, and convince ourselves that it’s safer to keep our expectations low. But as Dennise points out, that mindset only prolongs our discomfort.
“The other side of the coin is releasing the expectations, putting it out there, which is a lifelong journey. I want this great thing to happen. I’m going to visualize and see what happens. And if it doesn’t, some version of it will happen. And that is great too." – Dennise M. Kowalczyk
Instead of resisting uncertainty, Dennise encourages us to stay open to possibility—to recognize that while things may not always unfold as we expect, they often evolve into something just as meaningful (or even better).
Confidence vs. Competence: Understanding the Difference
We often mistake competence for confidence, believing that if we just gain enough skills or experience, we’ll magically feel more self-assured. But as Kim explains, confidence isn’t built through external validation—it comes from within.
"Intentionality isn’t about rigid goals or hard and fast plans. It’s about asking: What do I want? What do I wish? If I could bring that energy into my day, that’s where the magic happens." – Kim Romain
Dennise shares how, over the years, she’s learned to trust herself—not because she has everything figured out, but because she’s willing to take action despite uncertainty.
"I would have never imagined I was going to be on an HBO television show. I could have never imagined that I’d be running three businesses. But I stayed open—to the possibilities, to the risks, to the idea that it could be the most beautiful thing ever… or it could totally suck." – Dennise M. Kowalczyk
Confidence isn’t about always knowing what comes next; it’s about believing in your ability to figure it out.
Letting Go of Proving Energy
A powerful theme in this episode is the pressure to prove—to validate our worth through external achievements, productivity, or approval from others.
Louise calls out how this “proving energy” keeps us stuck in cycles of self-sabotage and thatt we miss so much joy when we sabotage ourselves. Dennise shares how she’s moved away from proving herself to others and instead focuses on aligning her life with her values. Whether it’s choosing relationships that uplift her, creating new business ventures, or embracing change, she prioritizes what truly matters over external validation.
Navigating Aging & Redefining Beauty
Aging, particularly for women, comes with deeply ingrained societal narratives. We’re taught to fear getting older—to see it as a decline rather than an evolution. Dennise, however, is rewriting that story.
"I’m scared about getting older. What about my health? How am I going to be seen in the world? But you know what? I’m turning 60. I’m going to have fun. I’m going to go with it. So it’ll come up again, I’m sure it will. But knowing that it has a space, acknowledging it—that’s power." – Dennise M. Kowalczyk
The conversation also highlights how women are challenging traditional beauty standards. From Pamela Anderson to Valerie Bertinelli, more public figures are rejecting the pressure to maintain a certain image and instead embracing their natural selves.
As Louise points out, our perception of aging is shaped not just by personal experiences but by the culture around us.
"We don’t just battle our own narratives—we have to wade through the expectations that society places on us. And that can make confidence even harder to reclaim." – Louise Neil
So how do we shift that? By questioning those beliefs, rewriting our personal narratives, and choosing to see aging as a time of expansion rather than limitation.
Breaking Free from Autopilot & Choosing Intentionality
Kim brings up another key point—so many of us are running on autopilot, responding and reacting to life without questioning whether our choices truly align with who we are.
"We spend so much time just going through our stuff, responding and reacting, without questioning whether it’s truly aligned with who we are. But if we slow down and tap into our inner wisdom, we can start making choices that are actually right for us." – Kim Romain
This means making space for self-reflection—choosing to pause, examine our beliefs, and consciously decide what we want to hold onto and what we’re ready to release.
Key Takeaways from This Episode
Intentionality combats autopilot: When we pause and reflect, we can challenge false narratives and external expectations that no longer serve us.
Releasing attachment to outcomes: Detaching from expectations allows us to enjoy the process and embrace the joy of possibility, even if things don’t go as planned.
Healing through self-awareness: Acknowledging discomfort and fear is key to personal growth and reclaiming confidence.
Self-sabotage awareness: Recognize when saboteurs are holding you back, and choose to rewrite your story to create opportunities for joy and success.
Redefining beauty and aging: Challenge societal norms and reclaim your own narrative around beauty, age, and self-worth
Empowerment through choice: Every moment offers an opportunity to choose alignment, joy, and embodiment in the face of chaos or discomfort.
Key Moments
[00:00] – Introductions
[01:42] – The power of laughter and finding joy in chaos
[03:42] – Avoiding disappointment and being stuck to outcomes
[07:09] – Celebrating groundedness and intentional living
[10:31] – Embracing risk, choice, and letting go of control
[15:18] – "Eating the frog" by tackling the hardest task of the day first builds confidence and shifts energy
[18:20] – How detaching from outcomes and intentional decision-making create empowerment
[26:18] – Challenging societal narratives of aging
[34:35] – Defining beauty on our own terms
[39:47] – The power of stillness and intentional pauses
[48:23] – Grace and connection in relationships
Connect with Dennise M. Kowalczyk
Instagram: @TheAdventureBroad
Website: TheAdventureBroad.com
